tears and a time of joy
by xXxnightstarxXx
Summary: jenny and gibbs have a baby but something goes wrong my very first story love to know what you thing might add more to this stroy like gibbs telling his team. don't no yet : please read and review
1. the birth and death

_i don't own any characters in this story apart from the nurse and the new baby : ) _

_hope you like it please read and review this is my VERY first story and i want to know if i should_

_keep writting or just quit while im ahead so please review : )  
_

_Tears and a time of joy_

_Today was both the happiest and saddest day of the "new part" of my life._

_Watching you with those shiny green eyes full of life suddenly fade and glaze over, and a sudden cry from a new born baby._

_I couldn't help cry of happiness and sadness. I'm so confused all my emotions flowing like a river to the surface I haven't felt like this since Kelly and Shannon died._

_I have a new baby girl._

_I have just lost my love, I have lost my baby_

_As they tried to revive you, to bring you back to your new and powerful family all I could do was stand there with my new baby girl, our baby girl. I was so stiff I couldn't move I never thought I would feel like this not after last time. _

_I don't know which is worse not being there for the destruction of you family or being there and watching it happen right in front of your eyes, a part of your life just fade away._

_Im being pushed out of the hospital room and our baby is being taken away, probably just to be checked out but I can't help but worry._

_Im sitting here, memories just flooding my mind, I can't help be scared last we spoke we argues and I walked out on you and our baby._

_When you went into labour I wasn't there. I thought a crime scene was more important but in my gut I knew something was wrong so I rushed to the hospital._

_I burst into the room and saw you holding our baby. You gave a nod and the nurse gave me our baby. Somehow I new we were ok again._

_Now here I am in the hallway being told that you didn't make it. Im stuned I never thought this would happen not to you, not to us. All of a sudden my legs give way and I crash onto my knee's crying in my hands._

"_why, why did you leave me … us I…I love you… what about our baby girl ..she…she needs her mum, I need her mum." it can't be true._

_The nurse is giving her deepest apology but I'm not listening I can't belive you've gone. I thought we were ok, I thought it would last forever. You and me forever. _

_Then I shook myself out of my daze. I remember I have a new responsibility, our baby girl._

_I get up of off my knee's and before I knew it I was staring though a window looking at the new presious babys that have just been born into the harsh world. Some with both perants. Some with non and then our daughter with just her father. And her fathers stories to be told._

"_Mr Gibbs would you like to hold your daughter" the nurse asked with a smile of both happiness and sadness as she saw my pain in my eyes. As she placed her in my arms I could see how much she looked like you and I couldn't help but smile with tear creeping to the surface again. As I rocked her in my arms, her eyes opened and all I could see was her beautiful green eyes. They seemed to have your sparkle in them._

"_Mr Gibbs what are you going to name her" the nirse spoke quikly with a smile._

_I thought for a moment , then it hit me the perfect name._

" _Jenny. . . . Jenny Marie Gibbs"_

"_that's a perfect name"_

_I know I thought to my self with a small smile on my face._

"_you are going to be a great father" she patted my shoulder and left to get the paper work to let me take our daughter home._

_Hold Jenny Marie in my arms I sweetly asked_

" _you ready to go home my sweet Jenny"_

_And at that she lifted up her arm and grabbed my thumb and at that moment I new everything would be ok._

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_so thanks for reading please tell my what you think : )  
_


	2. telling

_**Chapter two telling everyone**_

_**As Im waiting for the elevator to tell my team what has happened, holding Jem in her carrier I couldn't help but think about what the future will hold and how I will cope. I knew that you would always be with us but I don't think I can do this on my own**_

"_**jethro" I was startled at the familiar voice I just heard. As I looked around and saw nothing I realised it was you, your voice.**_

"_**jen sweety" still looking around I suddenly see a faint figure out in front of me. Just as a ghost there you stood. Your slim figure with long red hair standing in front of the elevator.**_

"_**jethro you are going to be fine, you are great with children and you are not on your own" you said with a smile of release and stress free.**_

"_**I am on my own, you not here anymore" I staid staring into your gorgeous green eyes.**_

"_**jethro you are not alone you still have me in here" you spoke placing your small hand on top of my heart.**_

"_**you have your daughter and most of all you team, remember" you turned to face our daughter and whispered something in her ear. You seemed to be able to tickle her tummy, as she seemed to smile I couldn't help but smile myself.**_

"_**what did you say to her jen" you turned back to face me and simply said "that her mum will always be with her no matter what" and at that you faded away.**_

_**The elevator doors opened, me and jen walked in as the silver doors closed behind us. The doors opened again to reveal everyone standing in front of us. Waiting for the new arrival.**_

"_**Gibbs" Abby seemed to squeal as loud as her throat would allow her. "abs shhh" I seemed to hiss a bit harsher than it was meant to be**_

_**Jem started to cry**_

"_**oh is she crying at me…. I didn't mean to make her cry" tears crept into her eyes.**_

"_**abs, abs its ok" I spoke in more of a whisper than I would've liked, ducky stepped forward in front of Abby to take a look at the new member of the ncis family.**_

"_**hello my dear girl" placing a hand under her chin to tickle her.**_

"_**so.. What's her name" Tony butted in with one of his famous grins plastid on his face.**_

"_**its…. Its jenny Mari" I managed to stutter out. At once ziva had understood. You were dead. My eyes turned to her gaze in Israel they always used to honour the dead by naming a new born after them. Ziva never met my gaze. She turned and ran up the stairs to your office. Everyone a bit confused turned back towards Jem.**_

_**Tony broke the confused silence.**_

"_**ok that's strange calling your daughter after her mother, you only usually do that when the mothers d…" he stopped as he realised that you jenny Sheppard…. No jenny Gibbs had died. He now realised why ziva ran of.**_

"_**Im go… Im going to f… Im going to go find ziva" he whispered before walking up the stairs to ziva. I felt sorry for him he really cared about ziva, he hated to see her in pain and jen you were her best friend and even thought they both feel the same way I don't think they will ever admit it to them selves let alone each other.**_

_**When I came out of my daze of thought everyone who had crowded around to see the new born had either been crying or had left. **_

_**Ducky decided to speak first**_

"_**oh my dear boy, Im so sorry" he patted my shoulder much like the nurse had done. He took his hand off my shoulder and walked back to autopsy in silence. Most probably remembering all his time spent with you.**_

_**Abby had finally stopped crying and was now trying to squeeze all the pain out of me.**_

"_**abs you gotta let go I gotta look after jen and I can't breath." at the mention of your name she started to cry again. She let go of her death grip and ran back to her lab to be alone.**_

_**After about another 5 minutes everyone had given their condolences and left. Now everyone was alone and dealing with your death in their own way. As for me Im sitting down at my desk with Jem in my arms slowly rocking her.**_

"_**you know what jen your right at this moment Im not alone" I spoke into the silence of the bullpen.**_


	3. the service

_Chapter 3 the service_

_**There were hundreds of people at the service. Some people I have never met.**_

_**Im standing at the very front with your body. The team to the left and right of me.**_

_**Forming a circle around the casket.**_

_**Everyone is wearing black, sharp three piece suits and black shoes, all the boring things that would have niggled at you for not being bright and colourful enough, but no-one knew what kind of dress code to expect here, I don't suppose anyone ever does, black is just a mourning shade.**_

_**Tony is to the left of me and Jem, standing up tall and being strong. Not for himself but for ziva who he has curled up in his arms crying into his chest. You can see it in his glazed eyes that it's breaking his heart. You lying in the casket motionless in front of him has been hard on him, but it's been even harder watching someone he loves, fall apart in his arms. I know how he feels, I've had you fall apart in my arms for times I care to remember. It broke my heart to watch you burst into tears in front of my eyes. Sometimes after you had calmed down and left I would sit in silence and cry the pain away.**_

_**Ziva is curled up in tony's arms crying into his chest. Tears lining the brim of her saddened eyes. She is taking your death the hardest. Five days ago Tony and I had found her on the roof of the NCIS building with a bottle of vodka in one hand and her sig in the other. It had taken us 30 minutes to get her of off the roof's ledge. She had nearly slipped and fell twice. Tony and I finally convinced her that you wouldn't want her to kill herself because you were gone but I don't think she's convinced, Tony said that her tanned arms have turned up with more and more cuts on them everyday, everyone is worried about her but I think their too scared to tell her, just in case she goes on one of her murderous rampages. **_

_**McGee and Abby are huddled close to each other near - but not too close - to Ziva, trying to control the tears escaping from their eyes, and soaking their already sodden sleeves wiping up the tears that no-one wants to see right now. McGee and Abby seem to be handling your death pretty well, but saying that, they have each other.**_

_**After lee, jimmy and fornell who argued to be at the front. Next to me on my right, my dearest friend doctor mallard or as I have always called him ducky. His eyes full of tears just staring at your coffin. He is also taking it pretty hard; I don't think ducky ever thought that this would happen to you. He always seemed to picture your death on your own terms in some sort of gun fight in the act of duty or even protecting someone. **_

_**As we were walking away from the service I seemed to spot three ghostly shapes leaning up against a thick oak tree. As I focused I noticed that the three ghostly shapes were you, Shannon and Kelly. Smiling away without a care in the world. I could here what Tony would say trying to make light of it.**_

"_**This reminds me of the end of the film "star wars" when Luke see's his mentors and his dads ghostly figures smiling" that would be just like Tony. I thought with a smile on my face, as I gave you all a nod and turned to walk away, I realised then, at that moment, that I had never been alone, and I never will be.**_


	4. heart and soul

**final chapter. this chapter my cousin wanted to do and she's never bothered so be nice on this last chapter : ) 's trying to get an A level in english at college. so please tell us what you think : ) **

**thanks for reading **

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_I'm not used to this, being a parent on my own, without the love of my life._

_Every one is still giving me those glances, like they don't know what to say._

_It's been a few weeks since your funeral, and I have so many frozen casseroles in the house it really is unbelievable, every person I know has been round with food._

_I mean, what is their problem?_

_I CAN cook, I have a gorgeous baby girl to look after, and I'm not going to let myself fall apart now, not ever._

_I still have to be strong, and I will._

_It's been busy at work, but I refuse to stop._

_I know that you, my one true love will have wanted the best possible start for our daughters life, and I am going to give her every damn thing that she wants._

_I know I will never forget you._

_Jen is now one year old, and for the past two weeks I have cried every single hour, of every single day._

_Her nanny takes her to a baby group while I work now so she has a chance to socialize; I know you wanted her to start learning early._

_She can almost walk on her own, and I'm quite shocked that she already pulls Abby's plaits like reins on a horse while she rides on her back, Jen is one of those good children, she never cries in shops, and always keeps everyone entertained._

_I think she would be a brilliant actress, only a year old and she still manages to capture everyone's attention._

_Ziva had some time off work, but she's back now, and she spends all of her spare time with Jen, she picks her up from the nanny, and takes time off work when the nanny calls in sick._

_Her cuts and marks on her body have mostly cleared up now; at least there haven't been any fresh ones for a few months._

_Tony is supporting her, and even though he quite often drives me crazy, I must admit, he is doing a good job._

_I've taken so many pictures of the team with Jen, I've somehow managed to cram about five years worth of memories into a year, and today, Jen and I left an album at your grave, I know how much you would love it._

_When we were talking about having a baby, I remember when we said we would have to get used to all those crappy kids cartoons that are about as funny as jumping off a cliff, but our baby girl loves watching those documentaries that we always used to, animals in the wild etc._

_She especially loves wolves, so I might get a dog for the little angel when she's a bit older, but I know she might have a different reaction to a real live dog to the ones on TV._

_I'm going to take Jen on holiday next year, I was thinking Spain or France, somewhere that you and I went, I want to show her all the reasons I fell in love with you, and all the places we shared our lives._

_I wish that you were still here, so we could all go, the three of us, maybe on a cruise, show our little girl the world._

_Someone said I was spoiling her but why shouldn't I?_

_Jen is our child, and I want her to know as much about you as possible, and I want her to learn in her own way about right and wrong and hard work._

_What kind of a parent wouldn't teach their child that, in the most fun way possible?_

_Jen is ten years old, and every night, I still tell her a bedtime story about you._

_We've just got back from a weekend trip to South Africa, which was her idea, she saw on the television the under privileged children, and demanded that we go and spend some time there._

_She made a lot of friends, and before she even asked me, she promised her new friends that one day we would go back._

_I hope you're proud of our daughter, she has your heart, and your soul, and everyday, she reminds me of you._

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_thanks for reading hope you liked it : ) don't forget to review : )  
_


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